How to Talk to Refs

In today’s sports world and, particularly, soccer at the youth level, berating referees is a far too common occurrence. In this article, I’m going to explore some ideas before you scream at a ref. There are times when game officials should be told if they’re erring or missing violations, however, belittling a young assistant or screaming at a referee is wildly inappropriate. Suggesting calmly to the head referee that an assistant was out of position- if done respectfully and after the game- is a behavior we want to encourage, not discourage.
What about a more extreme example? You see one of your players is being dangerously fouled by an opponent and the ref doesn’t take any action. Perhaps the referee isn’t seeing it. What to do? One of the longtime law instructors says there is a proper way to address a grievance with an official. It’s basically down to approach and attitude, referees are happy to talk about the game at any convenient moment. A friendly approach and polite comment or question will draw a similar response.
So what to do when one of their players is throwing an elbow at one of your players? With the right approach, the coach can make his/her case to the referee. A suggestion is to say,” nice match, referee, but that No.10 is near to tears because of the rough play of No. 6 on the other team. Enough said, the ref has got the point. As in real life, civility goes a long way.
The body language is also very important, an aggressive movement, a menacing stance, a thrusting scowling face, or a sharp accusing question will put the official on the defensive and invites an answer that will not suit either party.
It it’s about safety, especially in the area of protecting a player, it’s acceptable to speak to the referee. It’s all about the approach. It’s not screaming, or getting personal, the coach can talk to the referee at halftime and raise his concerns.
The approach should not be confrontational, boisterous, demonstrative, and the discussion should not be prolonged.
One of the long time respected officials thinks saying something at halftime might not be the best. What are other coaches and spectators going to think? A quiet word with the ref along the touchline and ask him to talk about it at halftime might be a better option. Also, when the ref comes near you on the touchline for a throw in or corner kick say something in a respectful and professional manner.
Particularly with young officials, yelling at them is only going to help them lose their focus and complicate matters for the match. Coaches should provide feedback, both positive and negative, to the referee assignors to discuss at their meetings.